Monday, October 10, 2011

Meltdown over a Cold?

Beautiful weather at the lake this weekend, with lots of people there to enjoy it.  I am beginning to adjust to the twice daily injections of blood thinners. But more side effects! I have always been a bit of a klutz, and now have wounds to show it: bruises and abrasions from minor bumps and scrapes.  

On Saturday morning I began to feel more than the now chronic sore throat: cough, congested chest, headache etc.  I went to a lovely potluck dinner that night, but left early, feeling rotten.  On the short drive home I had a meltdown, feeling totally sorry for myself. People have commented on my calm response to this mess, and even I have been surprised at my equanimity. This was something I had to deal with, so focusing on that was enough.  Not this weekend!

There are many bumps along this road, both physically and emotionally.  Being with good friends who know about my illness and had kind things to say (and do, like bringing stuff up from the dock) turned out to be hard for me. I have never handled sympathy well.  One more challenge.  But I do really appreciate the support, even if at the moment I don't quite know how to deal with it.


Diana said...

I note that you capitalize Cold but not cancer. Helene says you always kvetch about Colds. Your privilege. Kvetching is a spiritual practice. Meltdowns are definitely allowed. So is ambivalence over sympathy. Recall that one of our classic family stories is of your arrival, by yourself, at the dentist's office (first time solo?). Dr. Gallagher said sympathetically, "Sally, you don't have your moral support." You dissolved in tears and wailed, "I don't even know what that is." So you have a long history of sympathy melt-downs. Feel better soon! Love you.

Muff said...

It occurs to me that some of the things that Meaghan and I learned about chronic pain management might be helpful to you. One that comes to mind is her bad day plan. On bad days, Meaghan will press through with a normal schedule, with a few additions. 1) before she gets too far into the day, she will set up something fun to do with a friend. This gives her something to look forward to all day. 2) Take extra time out for relaxation and breathing. 3)Get even more exercise than normal. She also has a bad day box, filled with happy things (pictures, notes, quotes fidgets). She made 2 boxes, one for home and a smaller one for her school locker.